Updated: Apr 29

I am in a bad mood, because because because because.......

I think my bad mood is because I have to be strong. My partner gets older and slept the entire New Years Eve Day. I cooked and put a red shiny dress on and did my make up. And then I was sitting there watching TV and thank god my friends later on wrote to me.

We get older and old age not always looks nice. the partenr might not like to take a bath. Never understands the law of physic and lets the water run over where the lamp stands. Doesn't matter what I say, he will not change. I thought to go single and check out some dating websites. But that is stupid I think. So my partner was here when I was ill and he was there rearing our child. He was there when I needed help because of my mother. He gave always half to the rnet. He has worked 40 years and yes he was so often grumpy. He is grumpy to everyone including me, but then he will forget about it and smile. So we all learned to deal with it. I can follow most of my ideas regardign my big business dreams. He collects me when I come home from a client with heavy bags and can't hardly move anymore.

Old age shwos hes ugly head. Because of past illness he was in hospital for at least ten times. He needed 2 years to overcome his problem. And because of the medication or we actually don't know that, he accumulated a lot of weight. He weights now above 100kg. And so he isn't anymore so fit and doesn't look as good.

As a chef he use to come home and straight into the kitchen and cook. Now he said time is over, he don't want anymore, I have to cook. That is ok, I don't mind. I was scared I have forgotten everything and ones my daughter will coem from America, I will not be able to cook for her. So I will get practice now. That is a good thing.

He is 60 years old, he has birthday in the beginning of January. He wants to have a party and he will get this big party. He got already some present and is happy with them. And I? What do I. I have my health problems soemtiems as well. We get older, I tend to do Pilates and do singing practice. He use to go into a music group when he was a child and I want that he does this again. But no he will not. He is the type who sits at home and fiddles on his computer and watches others, same with sport. So he sleeps a lot during the day, is mostly awake during the night. When I am awake he sleeps. I want to do facials and manicure and pedicure, massage and Pilates. I probably have to do this in the middle of the night.

In hte night he sits on the computer, so as I do music, we could do music together as he is more technical as me. He wants that I read the manuals from our diverse music programs, he sdoens't want me to help anymore. I have to learn to becoem independent. So, this is a good thing. Isn't it?

I have to become more independent.

A 'dream come true,' I always wanted to be more independent. So, yes defenitely. We get older and our health shows its ugly head in a more extreeme way. That has to stop. I am going to join a sports club and schlepp him with me. I wonder which sport club will be open late? It was planned to do the mobile hairdressing business in old age as well, that means when I am above 60 and actually when I am 70. I wonder if this will be possible. I defenitely need to go into a sportsclub, get my musces toned and fit for a life I have to more and ore manage alone. But when I told him that I fear we will not get old, espechially with our health problems and his sleeping problems. He barked bakc that sleeping keeps people alive.

What keeps me alive is having my ideas. This is my big live force which I have since childhood and being a Taurus that mixes it with glamorous intend. My dreams are not black and white, they are a bit coloured and sometiems so fantastic that it scares me. where I want to be in 5 years time with my business? I imagiend Paris and Munic or Berlin. Ha ha, yes yes of course. So I have to get fit. Thanks to the Tier 4 lockdown we cans tay home, and do Pilates and Thai Chi at home and singing practice.

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